If you have attended a church in the past 10 years that uses contemporary worship music, chances are pretty high you’ve sung along to a Hillsong UNITED song. Additionally, if you keep up with contemporary Christian music even remotely, you will likely recognize the voice of Taya Smith, a member of Hillsong UNITED.

“Worship is a weapon,” Smith said recently in a video where she shared her thoughts on the subject.

 The musician, whose voice is featured on the incredibly successful Oceans song, shares there have been times where she experienced going through “heavy” things and worship was used to cut off “things I don’t need to be thinking about or feelings that are quite heavy and would hold me back from what I’m actually meant to be.”

Smith gets emotional and candidly opens up about a leadership struggle as she recalls times when she’s questioned “the very thing that you’re singing over people.” Despite the doubt she’s struggled with, Smith attributes the kindness of God to help her realize that worship is about being honest before God.

“We worship in spirit and truth…sometimes it’s embarrassing because you bring all of yourself before God and there’s like ugly parts.” To be completely honest before God requires bringing all of yourself in his presence as you worship, and this means we have to bring the “ugly parts” like our doubts and our evil thoughts and feelings.

“I’ve experienced the kindness of God in those moments when it would have been so easy to pull away and go ‘I actually can’t do this and it’s not for me right now.’” Instead of discouraging Smith from leading worship, she says those moments caused her to “press in and go after the things of God and put the words in my mouth when I needed to believe it.”